I’m Now In My Forties

I’ve been 40 for approximately … a lot of hours. And so far… It doesn’t feel like much has changed.

 

Everyone has told me that I will love being in my forties and I look forward to the next decade in that respect – but I am terrified of Menopause. I don’t want to go through it. Moreover, I don’t want to put my Husband through hell.

 

Anyway, today is my Fortieth Birthday and over all I’ve had a good day. My Husband and myself went out to lunch with my Dad, I’ve had plenty of Birthday love over social media as well as text messages. I’ve just received the cutest Birthday message from my Nephew and that’s going up there as the highlight of my day.

 

So, one of the things I told myself I was going to do was write about my 30s to see how much has changed. As I sat down to write this blog though, I realised that’d take to much time. So I’ll just write what I know.

 

I’m glad my 30’s are over. While they weren’t horrible – they weren’t great either.

 

First, the positives:

 

I tried my hand at a lot of things.

 

Over the last 10 years I have tried my hand at a lot of things. Writer/blogger, Stand Up Comedy/ You Tube/ Filming and Editing

 

Some of these things I was good at. Some things not so good – but I enjoyed them while I was doing them. The blogging and the You Tube; I still do them now but the Stand Up? No. I stopped doing that due to things I’ll talk about in a moment.

 

I realised who my true friends are.   It’s taken a good 10 years, but after a lot of false starts, I begin my journey into the next 10 years of my life with some of the best people in the world to call friends. I learnt the hard way about false friends and I have to say, even though it hurt at the time.. I’m thankful for those people anyway. If it wasn’t for the fake friends- I’d never have found the real ones and they are know who they are. They are my world and I love them dearly.

 

The decision I’ve made from today to take better care of myself. Moving forward from today, I am going to take better care of myself and try and see the positive in everything. It may not always work but if I don’t try I’ll never know.

 

I’ve been married for all of my 30s. Not many people would be lucky enough to say that. Been blessed that way.

 

Now the negatives

 

I’ve always struggled with my weight and over the last 10 years I’ve seen it go up and up and up due to eating the wrong foods, not exercising, drinking to excess, stressing, not sleeping well, fear, anxiety, worrying about everything in every minor detail.

This is one of the main reasons I had to stop doing Stand Up. All of these negative things were affecting me so much that I ended up having a breakdown after MICF 2014. My health started to suffer in other ways as well. Due to the weight gain and the fact I already have a disability – physically, my body had to compensate a lot and I ended up with Osteoarthritis. This meant that “ Standing Up” to do Stand Up comedy was not an option and rather than do the circuit sitting down (Which, I was embarrassed about at the time) I decided to walk away from it.

 

Add to that, I am now suffering from right-sided TMJ. This is annoying and I have been told it will never go away. So, as you can tell, my mind and my body have been through a lot and now its time to take a step back and begin the healing process.

 

I went through a period of “Fake Friends”

 

If I had a dollar for every fake friend I wasted my time with in the last decade, I swear to you I’d be rich.

While I won’t go into every minor detail, I did learn a lot about fake people and how they are designed to hurt you. It hurts and it sucks and you get angry and swear revenge but, at the end of the day, it really isn’t worth it. They’ll come undone on their own eventually and it’ll have nothing to do with you. Yep. I only came to this realisation today.. So it goes to show how slow I am at figuring things out.

Also maths. I am not ever going to be good at maths. Sorry.

 

So, that’s it in a nutshell. I mean, I could go on and on and on about every single part of my life but why waste anymore time?

 

I hope you’ll join me for my next adventure! I’m looking forward to it!

 

Thanks for reading,

 

CJ

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