A Monteith’s Summer Ale sits virtually untouched by my side.
At this point in proceedings, the weather should be turning warmer in preparation for Spring but it seems to me that Mother nature has other ideas and now is quite content to sit on her laurels and watch us freeze to death and die.
So, it’s been roughly three months since I last wrote anything. In fact, it’s been three months since I touched anything even remotely creative.
A simple explanation to this would be that laziness has played a huge part in my lack of creativity. That I haven’t been bothered or that I’ve found the whole thing just to hard and I’ve simply given up.
Moreover, I could blame the fact that my day job (Working 4 days a week in Customer service) has pretty much taken over my life and I find myself stuck in the soul destroying loop of ‘ You live to work – not work to live’ and while this may be true in part – its not entirely responsible for my falling off of the creativity wagon.
The last three months have not been great. While I don’t want to take you on a ride down the slippery slope to an all out pity party, I have to say that it’s been a struggle for me to remain upright and functioning, let alone spew gallons of creativity for the whole world to see.
Pain has played a huge factor in my inability to do anything. Since TMJ landed itself squarely in my lap (Or should I say Jaw) 18 months ago, my life has been nothing short of a pain extravaganza that streams throughout my body like a raver who’s dropped way to much acid at a club and is clearly enjoying themselves to much because somebody’s forgotten to switch off the strobe light.
Sometimes, it’ll be in my jaw. Others my neck, back and shoulders. More often than not though, it lives in my right knee. This pain is caused by the fact that the right hand side of my Jaw is out of alignment with the left side and it seems the bone is constantly pushing against the cluster of nerve endings in my face. Thus, whenever I move in any capacity, the nerve endings twitch and my body spasms – leaving me having to grip on to something less I lose my balance and fall over.
This is exhausting. The last 3 months have been physically exhausting. That is why I’ve stopped doing anything. That is why my creativity fell into a hole. I’m taking so many tablets for pain right now that sometimes I can barely see straight – and they’re just to get me to function of a morning and there are days where I can only just manage that.
Naturally, of course there are those who will be reading this and wonder where I get off by complaining. ‘ But look at all the free time you’ve got’ they say ‘ and look at the man you Married bending over backwards to make sure you don’t have to do anything!’
Yes. That is true. All of it is true. I have so much free fucking time that it should be illegal for me to have any. I have so much free time I could set up an E-bay store and give some to the highest bidder. I have so much free time I could step up and be the BONG noise for Big Ben while it’s under restorations for the next 4 years!
And yet, I cannot do a thing because everything hurts. Moving hurts. Walking hurts. Hurting is exhausting. Pain is exhausting. I’ve had one pain free day in 18 months. One. And that was just by pure chance.
You see, during the last 3 of these 18 months, I actually found someone that understood my condition, was impressed by how much I knew about it – (thanks to by own research) and has given me a way to fix things. In two weeks I am due to get a Jaw Splint. This, when worn correctly, is designed to help straighten the jaw and elevate the pain and stress caused by the condition. It’s to be worn at night and along with a series of stretches and jaw exercises, should see an improvement of things over 12 months.
Suffice to say, I remain hopeful.
Like I said, I don’t want to drag you into a pity party.. But seeing as we’re at the top of that slide, teetering on he edge of the abyss it’s best we stop now before it’s too late.
Or is it…
It’s all right. You can breathe. You can relax now. See? We didn’t teeter on the edge of the abyss for to long and now I’ve got you back on solid ground. You really do need to learn to trust me more.
Now, where was I?
Oh yes, swings and round –a-bouts. Right.
On a positive note, Vid Con Australia! Hooray! Vid Con Australia is happening in 12 days and I’m starting to get very, very excited. I’ve been lucky enough to attend a Creator Chat with HeyDamo! And, after watching some of his videos I actually cannot wait to meet Him. He seems like a pretty cool, awesome dude and I really do like his content.
As you can imagine, due to aforementioned situation, my You Tube channel has also suffered and has pretty much ground to a halt. So now I need to find out how to start it up again. I don’t mind it being a Vlogging channel. I like that format. Plus it also gives me an opportunity to promote this, my Blog, to the masses as I have only re, re, re discovered my love of writing. Like, since the beginning of this Blog, discovered.. Yes. Exactly.
Which brings us to this point.
During my creative absence I … discovered, and fell hopelessly in love with a series called Outlander.
Originally, a series of books written by Diana Gabaldon, it is now an incredibly popular TV series into its third season which is due to start in 14 days. (I’m not counting.. I’m not) and I am hooked. At time of writing this blog, I am currently reading book 5 “The Firey Cross” and have binge watched seasons 1 and 2 on Netflix.
While I don’t want to sound too much like “That Guy” the following paragraphs may make me sound exactly like “That Guy” and for that, I am so, profoundly sorry.
Outlander has done more for me than I thought possible. It’s made me develop a love of reading and has ignited my once dormant creative flame. It’s helped me stay sane while dealing with the last 3 months. With not only what I’ve already mentioned but also the death of my Uncle to Cancer, the loss of a friend to Suicide and another to a heart attack.
With Outlander I was able to lose myself in the world of Jamie and Claire Fraser and everything in it. I’ve laughed, I’ve gotten angry, I’ve worried and fretted over their struggles and I’ve cried. Dear God, I’ve cried. I don’t usually do emotions; they’re annoying and get in the way. That being said, this series has turned on an emotional tap that, for the moment, is refusing to turn off. It’s allowed me to open up and grieve for those I’ve lost in the guise of losing myself so completely in a story.
Not only that, Outlander has, not to put too finer point on it, done wonders for my Marriage. You remember how I said that I had that pain free day? I can assure you, dear reader, that it did not go to waste. Things have gotten better between my Husband and I in that regard and neither of us are complaining.
I’ve discovered an amazing group of people on line that not only love the books and the TV series but also the costumes and everything about the time period.
Initially, my Mother- In – Law thought that my Husband should watch it due to His family having Scottish connections (His Fathers side of the family) and jokingly said that I’d watch it “ due to the semi –naked Scotsman running around the highlands” and while, admittedly, there is some truth to that.. Because.. How can you not… I wasn’t expecting to fall in love with it. The TV series is beautifully shot and artistically brilliant and the costume and set design are amazing. My favourites are all from series 2. I’m excited to see what happens with Series 3 and, just quietly, having read the book, I’m more than just a little excited about it.
Then there is the Fan base. Oh My God. The Fans. I’ve never come across a more dedicated bunch of folks in my life. They’re always so positive, supportive and kind. They love the Cast and all involved in the show and tend to show it in abundance across all social media platforms.
And while you may snigger and think that I have completely lost my mind to yet another fad, since starting my Outlander journey I have lost 5.5 kilos. Granted, it’s not much, but it’s a start. I discovered that Sam Heughan, who plays Jamie Fraser on the show, runs a charity that promotes fitness, healthy eating and a better life style all while raising money for a cure for Cancer. While I haven’t officially signed up, I’ve been motived and inspired by Him to make changes for the better and so far, it’s paying off. At this point, I wonder if my #BeKind tee shirt will still fit me? If it does – Yay! If It doesn’t.. Well, I guess I’ll have no choice but to ask Him to sign it for me won’t I?
Yes, I know, wishful thinking on my part but hey.. A girl can dream, right?
But honestly, I wish I could thank them for getting me through these last few months. For keeping me sane when I thought I’d lost it completely. For making my Husband happy (In more ways than one) and for giving me something to keep me company when I thought I was entirely alone.
And it’s on that note, dear reader, that I leave this blog for now. My untouched Monteith’s Summer ale has now been touched to the point of becoming an empty bottle and now sits with the rest of the days recycling ready to be taken out at some point tomorrow afternoon. Also, it’s entirely possible that I may need to eat something.
Yeah, best go do that.
Thanks for reading,