I’ve been awake since 4:20am.
It’s currently 10:18 am.
In that time, I’ve sat here and watched videos on You Tube, spoken to friends on twitter, checked notifications on Instagram and FB, had a coffee, ate some breakfast, gone through my emails, replied to a few, wondered where other emails vanished to, set about trying to find then- only to confuse myself- close my emails in frustration and start writing this blog.
I know. Two blogs in the space of a week. Who am I? What’s going on?
Here’s the thing, I’ve been wanting to get this blog off the ground for ages. The problem I have is that at some point I stop. I stop writing. For the longest time I didn’t know why. Then today it dawned on me.
I’m scared. I’m scared of continuing. And, the reason I’m scared of continuing is because I’m scared of failing. I’m scared of what people will think. I’m scared people won’t like what I write about. I’m scared they won’t like my writing style. That they won’t like the layout of my blog, the colours I use, even the font.
The question is why? Why am I scared of all these things? Honestly? I have no idea. Once I had a heated discussion with a friend over something I wrote in my blog. I’d written a piece about the fandoms I’d been in over the last 20 years and what they’d each meant to me. I thought I’d explained my point of view quite well and I was, just quietly, very proud of what I had written. Sadly, this friend disagreed -not only with the subject matter but also the way in which I had written the piece, claiming it was sloppy and all over the shop. Not only that, they took severe offence to the fact they were not mentioned anywhere within the piece. They seemed to believe they had a right to be included due to the fact that some of the things I’d written about only came about due to the fact that they bought them to my attention.
It was an interesting situation to say the least and shortly after that, I took the piece down and stopped writing. I stopped creating. I stopped everything.
It took a long time (and some fun with some creative caption competitions with friends) to actually pluck up the courage to start writing again.
Look, I’m no professional and nor do I claim to be. I know this isn’t going to be perfect. In fact, it’s going to be shit for a long time… But, I know that if I commit to it – I know I will get better and who knows…one day I might get good at it.
These are things you think about when you wake at 4:21am in the morning.
Quite the curse of the early bird. Makes you think about things that could potentially change the course of your life.
Thanks for reading