I had thought that I’d be feeling a lot worse than this… but you know what? I don’t. I really, really don’t. And that surprises me.
A few days ago, I all but turned my back on Social Media. I deactivated my Facebook and Twitter account. Removed the apps from my phone and the bookmarked links on my PC. Hell, I even removed the Tumblr links and app and that’s not even one of the ones I deactivated.
Not going to lie. Hitting the deactivate button on Facebook lifted a massive weight off of my shoulders and I instantly felt better. Realising I didn’t have to scroll through tons of trash talk in my feed just to get to a post I wanted to read or scrolling through elitist “I’m better than everyone because I’ve been part of this place longer than you have” bullshit cleared my head like you wouldn’t believe and honestly, if it wasn’t for the fact I have to renew a membership to something through a specific Facebook group at the end of the year – I’d never turn it on again.
Twitter? Well, that’s a little different. Twitter was, until recently, my playground. My safe space on the internet. That is, until I began being trolled by a Northern Hemisphere Mother of two, who has terrible taste in music and a Lawyer for a Husband – who took it upon herself to make my time there as uncomfortable as possible. Almost on a daily basis this person (who over the course of the last six months has had more name changes than the company I work for) found a way to humiliate and belittle me and make fun of me to others. Copying and pasting my tweets (which by and large are completely harmless and not an offence to anyone) across her socials and pointing out what she thought was wrong with them. I mean look, I know my spelling and grammar isn’t the best in the world, but this is Twitter and honestly? Who the fuck cares?
Yes, I know. I am aware of how completely and utterly First World Problem this is and at the age of 42 I should be able to let this slide off me like water from a ducks back, but I can’t. And it’s not the first time I’ve had it happen to me either. The first time I ever experienced this was back in 2008. Not that I want to go into details here, but I will say that it lasted for a period of 12 months and was relentless – again for the same reason. All because of what I wrote online and how I wrote it. Apparently, I am a stickler for upsetting people with my thoughts on things and my “very unique” world view.
This time however, I just found it exhausting. Completely and utterly exhausting. That said, my paranoia is in overdrive and I am fully aware the person in question is lying in wait for me… waiting for me to come back so they can pounce at the first given opportunity to have at me for a misplaced comma or quotation mark. It’s a sad existence I’ll grant you however I can only assume that this person must be unhappily Married or perhaps her Husband is having an affair with someone at the office or maybe her kids are complete and utter assholes … and so, because of this they’ve taken to trolling on the internet in order to forget their troubles at home.
Presumptuous of me, I know. But It’s got to be something, right? I just can’t see how a person can spend their entire lives being a kill joy on the internet.
Not that I’m ever going to have worry about it again … but there it is.
The other side of this is… there is a very small part of me that feels very isolated and alone. I’ve been part of the social media universe for close to a decade and it has become so much a part of my life, in particular over the last few years while I’ve been dealing with all of my medical issues. These issues have kept me pretty much house bound and not able to get out and about without help… so social media has been my way to connect with the world. Switching off makes me feel like I’ve lost a limb, a part of my person that I’ll never get back and having to function without it just feels weird.
That said, it’s only been a few days and I’m not going to be without things to do. I’ve got a whole list of projects I plan to work on while I’m on hiatus and I am looking forward to tackling these things head-on.
On the medical front I continue to enjoy being a Human science experiment. I’ve already had my appointment with my Dental Surgeon and my Osteopath this week and I’ve got appointments with my Physiotherapist, my GP, my Neurologist and my Chiropractor in the weeks leading up to Christmas.
It’s almost impossible to believe there are only eight weeks left of 2019. It only occurred to me the other day when I asked my Husband to flip the calendar over. Looking back over the last year – I find myself thinking that on one hand I haven’t really accomplished much but on the other… compared to where I was in January this year, I’ve come along in leaps and bounds, and I have a lot to be proud of as a result.
Overall, I don’t think that’s a bad thing.
Thanks for reading,