5 ways to spot a “Scam Heughan”

What’s this? I hear you gasp in surprise…. An early update? It can’t be Sunday already can it?

Well, no. It’s not. Despite what my friends north of the equator may tell you – I am not backwards, and I do not have my days mixed up.

It’s 12:41 pm Tuesday afternoon

The weather seems determined to remain a little more on the cooler side of things and, while this remains perfect sleeping conditions for yours truly, it’s not what one would call *ideal Summer weather* you know? A top temperature of 18c does not a Summer’s day make… although, it does do a lot in keeping extreme Bushfire conditions at bay.

No. The reason for this write up is because … Well, because… a certain ‘Individual’ (I say individual as loosely as possible) keeps raising his ugly head … and I for one … am utterly sick of it!

However, before I begin – A Disclaimer:

Today’s blog is about Scams on the Internet. Especially those revolving around fake Celebrity accounts. (Or, in the case of this piece – one celebrity in particular) This blog is designed to poke fun at the faceless people BEHIND the fake Celebrity accounts and the sort of things one needs to look for in order to avoid them.

If you have truly been the victim of any kind of Fraudulent Internet Activity or Internet Scam, then I encourage you to contact Scam Watch (or local equivalent) and report it immediately.

Right.

Recently, there was a write up by a less than reputable UK publication claiming that Sam Heughan’s reaction to Woman getting scammed by people pretending to be him was… what did they say??

Blasé

Really?

Despite the fact, that on average, at least twice a month, the guy posts on Twitter, Facebook and Instagram warning his fans about fake social media profiles?

This, despite saying

  • He would never contact you via DM’s
  • He would never ask you for money
  • He is not on Google Hangouts or WhatsApp
  • If the account is not verified – it’s not Him.  
  • Please be careful and keep an eye out

I joined the Outlander Fandom in 2017 and back then, fake profiles were a problem. Even now, in the year of Our Lord 2021… In the midst of Political Upheaval, Environmental Disasters, War, Famine and a Global Pandemic … There is still some lonely, sad, jarhead, who after jerking off in the darkest corners of his Mother’s basement, still finds the time to sit down, create a fake profile and tries his luck at being Sam Heughan for a day.

And that, boys and girls, is precisely why I’m here today. I have tea. Which means you gotta sit your ass down on that damn seat because we have to talk!

First off-

If you’re dumb enough to fall for this shit?? You deserve everything you get.  

For example:

*Sam* has robbed you of your life savings?

No, he hasn’t! Girl, he’s as LOADED AS FUCK!

If you even bothered to open up a dictionary at any point in the last seven years and looked up the words ‘Successful Actor and Entrepreneur under the age of 50‘- You’ll find a picture of Sam Heughan right next to them.

He doesn’t need your loose change from behind the couch for God sake!  He’s fine.

It’s your money Muriel… and don’t be terrible!

Hold on to it! Use it to go on that long-awaited holiday (*cough* to Scotland *cough*- once its safe to do so, of course) buy the stray cat down the street a sparkly tiara – I don’t care … Just don’t give them your money! It’s not worth the heartache or the debt

OR

*Sam* wants to run away with you and live happily ever after.

 Yeah.. No.

 Not now. Not ever.  You would have to be monumentally daft to even believe such a thing!

There’s no need to contemplate leaving your long-suffering Husband (who, by the way, puts up with your Outlander obsession- often without saying a word) for Sam …. Because IT’S NOT HIM YOU IDIOT!! And even if it was … He wouldn’t touch you with a 10FT barge pole… and why??

Well, I could be mean and I could say it’s because you’re not young, American, blonde or perky… but, I won’t. Instead, I’ll simply point out – you’re Married. Stay that way. You’re on a good thing. Truly. The REAL man in your life loves you – This FAKE (remember, he’s just popped one off in his Mother’s basement) does not.

Real talk for a second.

In my real job (Yes, I have a REAL job. In Customer Service) I see people getting scammed every damn day. Over Facebook, over Ebay, over Gumtree – the lot. In 2019 alone, Australians lost over $634 million dollars to scammers. Credit cards, bank accounts, dishonest folks, pyramid schemes – the list goes on. The elderly, the vulnerable, those where English is not their first language and have no idea what’s happening… for these innocent people – my heart goes out to them. It really does. When someone loses their home, their life savings, everything they’ve worked their entire life for; to a low life, degenerate, deceptive piece of trash… Then my wish for them is that …at some point in time, while that low life is taking a wee jobbie** in a public toilet – they’re struck by lightning in the genitals and in turn it sets the hairs on their arse on fire and it traumatises them for life!

To everyone else …. Be careful where you decide to do your jobbies on a day out with the family. #JustSayin

But I digress.

We’ve now reached the point in this blog where I tell you EXACLTY what you need to look out for – should you come across our old mate ‘Scam Heughan’ whilst perusing the interwebs for quality Outlander content.

  1. Scam Heughan does not EVER have the VERIFIED tick on his profile.

I hate to disappoint you, but the verified symbol is not a blue circle or a blue square or a blue dot. Nor is it a black or green check mark. None of those are correct. That’s the first thing you need to know.  The second thing you need to know is it looks like this:

See? Granted, my picture is black and white – but that’s because I’m totes emo and I’ve embraced dark mode on my phone… however, in reality, the check mark looks just like that but blue! (And just so you know – this one was taken direct from Sam’s actual Twitter account. Interestingly, I have discovered since writing this blog – the verified tick mark is the same design across all Social Media platforms)

2. Scam Heughan… .err I mean … “Hueghan” can never seem to spell his own name

While most of us struggle with the correct Scottish pronunciation of the real Sam’s last name, our buddy Scam Heughan can’t even spell it correctly.

Exhibit A:

See that?

As you can see, no correct Scottish pronunciation in the world can fix that fuck up!  

And speaking of fuck ups…

3. Scam Heughan CARN’T SPHELL and haz PORE GRAMMAH

Notice anything different with the above pic? No? Now, I’m no genius. Nor am I going to admit to being a hard lined spelling and grammar Nazi, but I’d like to think that at least I paid attention long enough in school to grasp the finer points of sentence structure, spacing, punctuation and when best to use it and other basic fundamental skills when it comes to being able to communicate via the written word.

Scam Heughan has absolutely no idea. In my time in this fandom, I personally have received many a poorly drafted message like this (in fact, the above pic is mine from just the other day) and all I can do is shake my head and sigh. I mean, how stupid does this idiot think we are. DO I NEED TO SPELL IT OUT FOR HIM? …. Oh … wait..

4. Also…. This

If my first three points of this blog fail to convince you that what you’re dealing with is a fake – then perhaps this will convince you.

As I’ve already pointed out SAM WILL NEVER ASK YOU FOR MONEY… EVER! He doesn’t need it, and, if you’re asking Scam Heughan for a picture to prove that it’s him – and it looks similar to this – and you’re still dumb enough to fall for it – Well, I’m sorry. You’re on your own and deserve no sympathy whatsoever.

According to Google, Sam’s net worth is somewhere around the 5-million-dollar mark*  

Google it yourself if you don’t believe me but at the very least, this should convince you that who you’re dealing with IS NOT the real Sam.

5. Legitimate ladies’ man!  

MOVE OVER JAMES BOND!!  Scam Heughan is in town and he’s about to throw back your shaken-not -stirred Martini and won’t even take the olive garnish out first!

That’s right, he’s the smooth-talking pretend Scot from his Mothers basement and he’s pulling out all stops to win you over and call you the love of his life!

Swoon as that Scottish accent with strangely Nigerian-can’t –English undertones says things like:

  • Hello Dear
  • Are you a Outlander Fan?
  • I am man of leisure
  • Hi. How are doing fan?
  • I saw you on my Public Profile. You are so support of my courier.  So, I reach out here. You are surprise to hear from me grate fan!

Makes your heart all a flutter, right?

I mean, me personally, it makes me want to stab myself in the face with a fork – but… Whatever.

I cannot count how many times people have been warned about this. It absolutely does my head in!

According to the Women who got done – Sam should have done more to prevent it from happening and should pin some kind of warning post to his public profiles.

Why? Why is it up to him? Hasn’t he done enough? Warned people over and over and over and over again, posting screenshots of fake accounts on his social media and telling everyone to watch out for them – for the better part of 7 years (and counting) and you’re convinced he hasn’t done enough.

What about you taking some accountability and use common sense when on the internet.  If something doesn’t seem right – don’t follow through with it.

USE YER WEE HEID!

We all know who the real Sam is. He’s the guy who makes us smile when he likes or responds to a tweet.

He’s the guy that, if you’re lucky, may put your fan art or your Sassenach items in his IG stories.

Scam Heughan wouldn’t do that… Wouldn’t know how.

The real Sam Heughan has the surname almost impossible to pronounce – But at least he knows how to spell it correctly.  

Don’t let Scam Heughan ruin your life.  He’s a wanker in a basement with a singed arse crack and no genitals- terrified of taking a shit!

 His accent is fake, his grasp of the English language is pitiful at best and he’s really not worth your time.

Ceej

*This information is taken direct from Google dated December 2020.

 It is by no means accurate – so do not quote me. The only ones who know exact figures are Sam and those directly responsible in managing his financial affairs.

**Jobbie: Scottish slang for shit – One of my favourite Billy Connolly words

(Credit: smshingteacups on Twitter for the thread that inspired me to write this blog and for the sign gif – name blacked out for privacy of course x)

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