And this weeks lucky winner ( can I say that? LOL) is Jo Patton.
I got the idea for this weeks blog after she came through with some of the funniest memes I’ve ever seen – based on a screencap from Men In Kilts . ( Extra points if you know the name of the episode it comes from)
It’s this one by the way.
I decided to pen a conversation between the two – just before they had to do the “Made for TV” stuff.
Again, this comes from the ridiculous roundabout that is my brain and I mean absolutely no disrespect to either Sam or Graham with writing this. I hope you find it funny .. and should they read this ( Which they won’t..ever) I hope they do as well!
Oh! Before I forget – the opening line of dialogue comes from a meme that Jo made specifically for me – using this picture.
And on that note- I hope you enjoy!
Conversations On A Log
….. “And that’s why I got banned from saying ‘Bruh’ on Twitter…. “
As he sat nursing (yet another) Whisky and silently cursing his liver for not being made of stronger stuff, Graham McTavish was sat on a log having all the regrets about his life choices.
Actually, no, scratch that… He was having only one regret and it was this one…. What on earth made him agree to go on this trip with Sam – never -miss- an opportunity- to -flog-my-shit- to-the-masses- Heughan and why was he sitting fireside in a desperate attempt to warm himself – when there was a perfectly decent campervan with all the mod-cons – including electricity with which to generate real, honest to God heating and more importantly, hot water with which to make coffee.
“Mate, did you even hear a word I said?”
“Oh yes! Of course! …And for good reason, I’d wager!”
“Oh yeah? What reason was that?”
“The reason … for the thing!”
“Yes, the thing!”
“Graham…. What thing? … You have no idea … do you? You weren’t even listening to me, were you?”
“Sam, I cannot believe that you would think I would never listen to you! You wound me! You wound me to the cockles of my heart! Truly!”
“Cockles of ye…. Oh please! Really? Cockles of coal more likely!”
Narrator: It’s at this point Sam appears to be giggling non-stop at the fact ‘coal cockles’ could even exist. It is also at this point he starts to refer to Mister McTavish as Captain Coal Cockles and unfortunately for him, it’s then followed up by about 15 minutes of bad puns and some of the worst jokes in the history of mankind.
“Are you quite finished?”
“Yes. I am. I’m sorry.”
“Are you sure.”
“Are you absolutely, positively sure that you’re finished?”
“No… Erm… I mean yes! Yes, I am!”
“You’re a pain in the ass, you know that?”
“You love me”
“Do bloody not!”
“You are so…… Annoying! Honestly! No wonder you got banned from saying ‘Bruh’ on Twitter. You need a permanent ban… on being … you!”
“Then why are you laughing? If I was annoying, you wouldn’t be laughing! Ha! I win!”
“Shut up you – “
Narrator: Suddenly, because todays blog is based on a screen cap from a television show, and they need to make magic happen – AFTER said screen cap took place… Alex Norouzi turns up! Did you know he was written in for the sole purpose of wrapping this up? You didn’t? Well, neither did I! We learnt something today! I love that for us!
Anyway, he tells them to get up off the log and go do that thing they discussed where they dance around like mad men possessed for a bit and Sam would, by all accounts, be accidentally-on-purpose shirtless while wearing an outrageous headdress while pouring water/whisky/ whatever is wet all over his semi naked, slightly intoxicated self.
…” And Action!”
“Come on, mate! Get up! Come dance! Get into it!”
And just like that…. Contemplating life choices and the cosiness and mod cons of a campervan with coffee are completely and utterly forgotten.
Until next time.