Sunday, March 27th . 8:52am .
I am aware this is NOT a Tuesday .. However..
I have reached the end of my tether. I feel numb. Sad. Lost and entirely out of hope. There is no fuel in the tank and I’m sat here still trying to continue on.
The other day I got an invite to a friends belated (thanks pandemic) 40th birthday party. Initially, I was surprised to receive the invite – happy even, that my friend thought of me.
And then I remembered.
The last time I actively ‘peopled properly’ was March 2020. The last time I could travel anywhere unaided – was March 2020. The last time I could walk about on my own – was March 2020 … In fact, the last time I left my house for anything other than a medical appointment .. Was March 2020.
Granted, Hubby and I DID go to my Fathers for Christmas last year – but HE was with me. I wasn’t on my own.
It has been a long time since I have been able to go anywhere on my own. To be honest – as much as i want to go to my friends party – I will not.. As I refuse to ruin their evening by being bothersome. So, there’s that.
It’s also reached a point where I have to reach out for help – outside of that which my Husband can give me – so, for the last 2 weeks I have been dealing with the N.D.I.S ( National Disability Insurance Scheme) to try and get approved for assistance. It’s not become an uphill battle yet – but I have a feeling it will be .. .Given that:
A) We live in a Rental
B) We’re not on a lease as it’s a private rental – not through an Estate agent AND we’ve not had a lease since November 2003
C) We’ve not seen hide nor hair of our LandLord for years. We simply pay rent via internet banking and that’s it. Now, while I can prove that we pay rent to this man via our bank statement – I have no idea whether it’ll be acceptable proof. Therefore, we wait and see. It’s been a case of ’email /phone tag’ with them lately -which is stressful to say the least. Sigh.
The Pandemic continues – with yet another variant slowly taking over from Omicron and everyday yet more people I know and care about test positive for the bloody thing. Thankfully (touch wood) neither my Husband or I have caught it yet – but that’s because we have made the decision to live as if we’re still under lockdown. Still wearing masks and sanitising our hands, only leaving the house when required, avoiding large crowds and large events – despite wanting desperately to go to them and basically keeping to ourselves. We’ve lived like this for years and I have no idea how we’ll cope should the situation end and we have some kind of semblance of normality..It’s overwhelming really.
I’m still working from home. It seems the powers that be are still discussing the best way for things to be – a Hybrid way of working moving forward – particularly since the new Boss came on board in January. Not much else to report there though.
I continue to immerse myself in to my safe space that is the Outlander fandom. Recently, that safe space was messed with – when I discovered someone was being sent my tweets and DM’s to read. It also came to my attention that this person was using my tweets and DM’s to elicit sympathy from others – played the victim if you will- acting as if I was the one in the wrong – despite them being sent screenshots of my account ( and god knows who else.. now that I think about it) and being caught red handed talking about it publicly.
Pettiness knows no bounds I suppose – especially if you can hide behind a screen and no one can see your face.
It’s ridiculous and it shouldn’t of happened – but it did and the outcome has left me a lot less trustworthy than I once was. I show my face. I let everyone see who I am – so they know I am not a “bot” or a “fake”. And now, despite doing that – I feel it was for naught and now I find myself at a loss. I hate having to either not post anything OR keep my accounts locked off and private so I can be left in peace.
The world continues to fall to pieces with the war in the Ukraine, every natural disaster there is, rising petrol prices and Human stupidity running rife. Add to this we’ve lost Betty White, Sidney Poitier, Bob Saget, Shane Warne and now the drummer from the Foo Fighters, Taylor Hawkins- and we’re only 1/3 through the year. So far, 2022 IS NOT going to be the year we hoped it was going be and the sooner it’s over the better
I can not leave this blog without, at least a sprinkling of good news though.
Se 6 of Outlander has been absolutely, mind-blowingly incredible and I tip my hat to all involved. Well done. We’re now officially halfway through the season – with 4 weeks left to go.
Later on today I have a virtual event to watch – at 12pm. So yay that.
It’s the small things now. That’s the end of my tether. That’s all I have left. It doesn’t change how i feel dramatically- but at least they give me a reason to smile.. for now.